воскресенье, 19 октября 2008 г.

cmjn




�Fuck Plantar Fascitis or whatever the hell itapos;s called. �Iapos;m back to running again, and it feels great. �I just did a brisk 5K by the lakeside, and saw the coolest thing. �As I was running past the Monona Terrace, a *fox*�came booking past me. �Like a real honest to goodness fox. �I donapos;t think Iapos;ve ever seen a wild fox before, no less in downtown Madison. �Couple that with the wild porcupines I saw last week, and this fall is turning into genuine critter goodness

I have a real positive feeling in me right now



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суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

dahlkemper




This waiting room is enormous. Bigger than the infant room. It makes me nervous with itapos;s soft greens and lush plant life springing from the corners. I could take an intense nap here if only my breast wasnapos;t about to be digitally mapped. Weird. I am the youngest person here and I feel eyes burning into me with sympathy. "Why are you here? Youapos;re so young. Your breasts are still alive with years to come." Yeah, I know. I donapos;t know why Iapos;m here either. To ease everyone elseapos;s worries. I know my body and I am absolutely convinced that this is a hormone imbalance thing. Lump or no lump, I am fine . . . Medically that is.

The older I get the more I can hear my body speaking to me. As I age, the communication between my physical self and my conscious and unconscious thinking becomes stronger and more clear.

Now birds are singing on the loudspeaker where there should be music. This make me even more intoxicated with the idea of taking a nap. Imagining myself outside under the sun. I am heartsick for summer and the freedom it brings to be outside. I am also heartsick for what pleasure this summer brought. Even through all the open boxes of distress - heartbreak, fear, even death - I found moments of intense joy and understanding of myself.

Tonight, I was with Brian and I couldnapos;t find a receipt he was looking for. He was noticeably irritated with me because I was rustling through my pockets blindly, in a typical Jamie moment. Unorganized. But I had a moment, ever so brief, of not giving a fuck. Thatapos;s who I am. I am unorganized. Take me as I am or leave me be. I know I have some issues and I am ALWAYS pressing forward, trying to improve. Hoping to find these small, "learnable" moments. I am doing my best and being irritated and bombarding me with negativity will not even nudge me in the right direction.

I scrambled to held onto the moment but it faded a little into the background of the situation and I found myself being pulled back into the depths of people pleasing. Maybe if I find this receipt, Brian wonapos;t be so mad at me and the mood will lighten. But Brianapos;s impatience is not my battle, itapos;s his. And I obviously need to find some more "learnable" moments to sail away with. Hmmmm. Tahiti sounds nice and warm.
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пятница, 17 октября 2008 г.

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Its nice. I donapos;t feel terrible about my ass anymore. I can run 4 city blocks. I can keep up the pace going over the bridge on my bike. Yeay Biking to the studio everyday helps :)

Sleepy. I fell asleep at 9 and Justing thought it was a good idea to wake me up again. At 10-ish or so. Now Iapos;m not really awake, but not really asleep. Sleep. Leap. Eep. And those annoying men are going to be hammering on the other side of my wall at 8 AM again. Ergh.
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bent over closeups blog




Itapos;s my day off tomorrow.

I have made a deal, which is that if I work on my dissertation stuff in a concentrated fashion for 3 or 4 hours, then I am allowed to play games all day. And by games I meant Trials and Tribulations and possibly Half Life 2.

So Iapos;m going to bed now.

Woo

PS: What should I read next, a proper real good book or a silly 50s sci-fi novel about lizard alien space hospitals? Iapos;m leaning towards the lizard alien space hospitals. If I act quickly, Oxfam might still have the sequel when I finish this one
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четверг, 16 октября 2008 г.

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So. Cherie talked to elizabeth
you know....crazy elizabeth
...brads crazy ex

she says that brads been trying to get her to move down here
and telling her he still loves her
wants to be with her
...

and that he didnt know why cherie was calling herself her girlfriend
even though he was the one who said they were exclusively dating
...

i dont know what to believe
people say they shouldnt believe her
but its hard to believe him

ive had him say one thing to me and something completely different to everyone else

w.t.f.

thats fucking bullshit
i dont like it when people use other people
i dont know
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Have this friend, okay,
Said to him on a long lonely day:
ldquo;Beautiful eyes looking down,
Irsquo;d like to know what made that gorgeous face frown.
Tell me; love, I wonrsquo;t judge,
You look so sad when holdinrsquo; a grudge.rdquo;
The boyrsquo;s had problems over here,
Went far away, didnrsquo;t shed a tear.
Loved him more than even he knew,
Never in all my life been so blue.

And music makes the troubles go away,
Gone so crazy fast,
Crazy fast, fast.

Got this other friend, alright,
Somethinrsquo; about him feels too right.
Been sittinrsquo; here all day,
Thinking about one simple thin to say.
Told him, sounding lame:
ldquo;Dear boy, if laws werenrsquo;t the same..rdquo;
We got this laughable bond,
Feelinrsquo; towards him very fond.
He could have just any girl,
With a face lookinrsquo; to be made from pearl.

And music makes the troubles go away,
Gone so crazy fast,
Crazy fast, fast.

Follow one around like a dog,
All hersquo;s gotta do is say, ldquo;croak like a frog.rdquo;
Other is a pretty boy,
Smart with looks, best kind of toy.
Each are boys sadly too old,
Canrsquo;t have either, or so Irsquo;ve been told.

Thinking lsquo;bout music, love,
It drew me in, and kept me spell bound to one.
And music makes the troubles go away,
Gone so crazy fast,
Crazy fast, fast.
Crazy fast, fast.
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